


Pvt Winters' Touhou Drabbles

by Pvt_Winters



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Anything goes - Freeform, Drabbles, may contain strong language, reckless gun usage, updated whenever i feel like it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:40:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24683218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pvt_Winters/pseuds/Pvt_Winters
Summary: An assortment of Touhou Project drabbles brought to you by the author of the Young Maiden's Chronicles series.None of the drabbles are set in the YMCverse unless stated otherwise.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 3





	1. Not Booking It

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, I haven't abandoned Young Maiden's Chronicles yet. It's just that being stuck in my house for over two months due to the quarantine has made me quite stir-crazy and with that came a severe case of Writer's Block.
> 
> This drabble series is just me trying to fight the Block. I'll get back to YMC as soon as possible.

**Voile; Scarlet Devil Mansion**

Marisa has broken into the Voile, and is up to her usual shenanigans again...

"Marisa, you are _stealing_ my books again!" Shouted Patchouli as she gave chase to the black-white witch.

"I'm not stealing! I'm just borrowing 'em until I die!" Marisa gave her usual excuse again as she navigated through the vast library on her flying broomstick.

"It is stealing if you don't ask for permission first!" Patchouli counter-argued while trying to keep pace with Marisa. "Moreover, 'borrowing' implies that you are going to return then _before_ you die!"

"Then I'll return 'em before I draw my last breath!" Marisa taunted. Without slowing down her flying broomstick, she reached into the bundle of stolen books that are tied to the back of her broomstick, and pulled out a book. "I wonder what awesome spells could be learned from this one~?"

The witch then opened the book and started reading... only to come to an abrupt halt as she then slammed the book shut.

Patchouli stopped too, wondering what Marisa could've seen in the book as to cause her to react like so. 

Marisa then slowly turned toward Patchouli, with a shell-shocked expression on her face. "Um... On second thought, ya can have 'em back..." She said as she then untied the bundle of books, allowing all the books to fall off her broom onto the floor of the library. "Now, excuse me while I show myself the way out..."

With that, Marisa then flew out of the library through one of the windows, slowly and quietly.

Patchouli wasn't expecting that at all. _What could Marisa have seen in it that caused her to abandon her usual plan?_ The purple sorceress thought as she went and picked up one of the books that Marisa dropped.

She opened the book... and immediately slammed it shut after just a few seconds.

"What is this book even doing here?!"


	2. Not In Front of the Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one contains strong language, so reader's discretion is advised.

**Suzunaan**

"You sneaky daughter of a bastard!"

Everyone in Suzunaan froze when Marisa suddenly yelled out in such a vulgar way upon finding a particular book.

"Bas...?" Kosuzu, who didn't fully understand the word, tried to repeat it with curiosity, but was quickly silenced by Akyuu putting a hand over her mouth.

Reimu turned to glare at Marisa. "Watch your language, Marisa!" She chided the witch. "There are children here, including Kosuzu!"

"So what?" Marisa stared back at Reimu. "I say what I fucking want, whenever the fucking heck I want! What ya gonna do? Censor me?"

"No..." Reimu dully said, before producing a bar of soap from within her sleeves and stuffing it into Marisa's mouth. "I'm going to wash your mouth instead..."

Marisa responded with something that was rendered unintelligible by the soap in her mouth.

...

Later, after Reimu and Marisa have left the book lending store...

"Kosuzu, do me a favor, and _do not_ repeat any of what you just heard Marisa Kirisame said." Akyuu warned.

Kosuzu tilted her head, wondering why she was just told that. "Why not? I think Miss Marisa sounds totally cool as fuc-"

The Child of Miare promptly produced her own bar of soap from who-knows-where and stuffed it into the bibliophile's mouth.

"Ju-just don't, please..." Akyuu then said, as she massaged her forehead. "I may have to talk to Kamishirasawa on making sure no other kids in the village copies that b- witch's words..."


	3. Trigger Indiscipline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one depicts improper and reckless usage of firearms. Do not try this at home.

**Eientei**

"Tewi, put those down _right now_!" Reisen demanded, while keeping herself a safe distance from Tewi due to what the rabbit Youkai is doing.

"Make me!" Tewi answered smugly as she continued juggling the three handguns that she stole from Reisen.

"Those aren't toys!" Reisen emphasized. "They're _real_ guns that fire _real_ bullets!"

"Don't everyone in Gensokyo get hit by bullets without actually getting hurt?" Tewi pointed out as she continued to juggle the guns.

"Those are _danmaku_ bullets! These are _solid_ lead that can put holes on anything they hit!"

"I'm still not afraid of it!" Tewi said smugly.

Just then, Tewi missed catching one of the handguns, causing it to land on the ground and discharge a bullet right into her foot. The rabbit Youkai immediately collapsed on the ground in agony, dropping the other two handguns which also discharged bullets as they hit the ground.

Reisen is lucky that none of the handguns are pointed at her direction when they landed. With a sigh, she approached Tewi who is lying on the ground, groaning in agony as blood pooled out from her feet.

"And that's why I put my guns somewhere safe." Reisen then informed Tewi. "Now hold still while I bring you to Master Yagokoro to be treated, then you'll explain to her how it happened..."


	4. Self-Destructive Button

**Nitori's workshop; Kappa village, Youkai Mountain**

"Why is this loudspeaker sent back here?" Nitori asked as her dark-haired fellow Kappa placed by her feet a loudspeaker that was sold to the Tengu Village moments ago.

"Lord Tenma herself ordered it sent back." Dark Hair informed. "She said it was because the loudspeaker contained an 'unauthorized additional function'."

Nitori raised her eyebrows. "Was it the ability for the loudspeaker to broadcast at glass-shattering volumes?" She asked.

"No." Dark Hair answered.

"Was it the Wi-Fi Router that was built into it?"

"No."

"Was it the smoke machine?"

"No."

"Bubble machine?"

"No."

"Cup holders?"

"No."

By this point, Nitori has already run out of ideas. "Then what was it that Lord Tenma didn't want?!" In frustration, she then gave the loudspeaker a kick to its side.

The kick happened to land right on a tiny button that was built into the loudspeaker.

**BOOM!**

The loudspeaker immediately exploded, destroying much of the workshop and its contents, and leaving Nitori and Dark Hair covered from head to toe in soot.

"I, uh, think I figured out why Lord Tenma meant by 'unauthorized additional function'..." Nitori remarked after letting out a cough.

"The self-destruct button?" Dark Hair asked.

"Yes..." Nitori confirmed before promptly collapsing into the crater where the loudspeaker once was.


	5. The Rika Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, to break this hiatus with a rather silly drabble...

**Rika's Workshop**

When Sumireko heard about Rika, the girl who managed to build a working, sophisticated military tank in what is essentially pre-industrial Gensokyo, the high school girl decided to interview the young engineer.

"Hello. You're Rika, right?" Sumireko asked as she approached Rika who is just passing by the Human Village.

"Yeah, I am." Rika confirmed her identity. "Can I help you?"

"I heard that you made a tank, as in the military vehicle, and fought Reimu with it?" Sumireko asked a question.

"That was years ago, but yes." Rika answered. "And it was two tanks. The second is way more advanced."

"Really? Wow! Can I see them?" Sumireko beamed upon hearing that.

"I wish I could, but Reimu totally trashed them beyond repair, and I haven't been able to get around to build new ones." Rika informed.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." Sumireko noted. "But anyway, how did you make your tanks in the first place?"

"It's kind of easy, actually. I made the engine out of broken tools and swords."

"That's kind of impressive..."

"Ran the engine with a fuel made of mushy fruits and vegetables."

"Huh?"

"With a hundred potatoes serving as the electric battery."

"That, uh, shouldn't be possible. It just _shouldn't_. How did you make something that defies the laws of science?"

"Well, it's a little something I call 'The Rika Way'."

_If that was even possible, then MacGyver would've solved the entire world's problems all by himself already..."_


End file.
